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I've been reading horrendously written love vampire novels and I'm convinced that I could write one as equally horrendous and make bookoos of money in the same way. Haven't decided what cheesy cliche I want to runaway with though. Should be something overdone and then gotta add robots and ninjas right?
Thoughts of a Genius
Genius sounds really pretentious.
New change of attitude.
Posted on 2009.09.23 at 06:53Current Location: USAG Fitness Center
Current Mood:
curious
So What's Next?
Posted on 2009.09.22 at 09:47Current Location: USAG Fitness Center
Current Mood:
blah
pissed off
I'm not sure which is worse. Having initiative and doing something with your life while grinding yourself to a pulp, or being told you have no initiative. In the past two days I've had two slights that have severely pissed me off. Severely.
I left my friends, and family and the only home I've known for the past 10 years to seek a higher education. But I have no initiative. I moved out of my house before I was legally an adult, and worked two jobs through college while maitaining a scholarship and a grant. But that's not initiative. I'm supporting my ex through some of the worst months of his life, without being asked or put upon. But alas, no initiative. No. Apparently I am a person of no motivation. I am bringing my lover over to help put him through his education. Still, I have no initiative.
I apparently don't know what I'm doing - consider I have almost no debt, and no credit cards. And that's after going to college. But that's not responsible is it? Nor the fact that I helped my mother put together a multimillion dollar business, or that I've been asked to partner up to open a food chain. No that would be overlooked wouldn't it?
So here's your initiative. Before you decided to put me down as a ditzy girl without two brain cells to put together, let me explain to you that my IQ is higher than anyone you've ever met. That I was reading before I went to school, and studying physics before I was 10. Let me explain to you that just because I'm not up everyone's ass doesn't mean I don't have a clue about the shit that happens around here, because I do. But no one likes a smart girl. At least one smarter than you.
Don't write me off. Or you'll find yourself surprised in all the wrong ways when I flick you off on my way to pick up my PhD.
I left my friends, and family and the only home I've known for the past 10 years to seek a higher education. But I have no initiative. I moved out of my house before I was legally an adult, and worked two jobs through college while maitaining a scholarship and a grant. But that's not initiative. I'm supporting my ex through some of the worst months of his life, without being asked or put upon. But alas, no initiative. No. Apparently I am a person of no motivation. I am bringing my lover over to help put him through his education. Still, I have no initiative.
I apparently don't know what I'm doing - consider I have almost no debt, and no credit cards. And that's after going to college. But that's not responsible is it? Nor the fact that I helped my mother put together a multimillion dollar business, or that I've been asked to partner up to open a food chain. No that would be overlooked wouldn't it?
So here's your initiative. Before you decided to put me down as a ditzy girl without two brain cells to put together, let me explain to you that my IQ is higher than anyone you've ever met. That I was reading before I went to school, and studying physics before I was 10. Let me explain to you that just because I'm not up everyone's ass doesn't mean I don't have a clue about the shit that happens around here, because I do. But no one likes a smart girl. At least one smarter than you.
Don't write me off. Or you'll find yourself surprised in all the wrong ways when I flick you off on my way to pick up my PhD.
sad
I feel a deep aching hopelessness.
Every seven years, every cell in our body is replaced. Every seven years, we are effectively a different being. 7 years is the estimated length for relationships to take their course. Maybe because who we are when we meet no longer exists. I don't know.
It feels sad. I think we all crave community, home, acceptance, love, appreciation. More importantly, we want to feel useful. It seems in growing globalization, that, community is hard to come by. That finding someone to roll with the punches with you, some difficult labyrinth of self discovery, self reflection, selfish desire, and desire to throw the body on a bed of altruism. Where's the line? When do you throw up your hands?
7 years of a beautiful marriage. Then suddenly, something in her mind isn't working right. She can't see the world straight. She's committed, she's been drugged. What does he do? What do you do when it appears that the wonderful human being you loved, suddenly can't tie her shoes? After 5 years, it turned out that medication was to blame. She ceased taking it, and was restored to the person she had been. He stayed around to sleep with her. And slept with others. Had bough a separate house to live in, was taking the steps to separate. They tried reconciling for three years, they had a kid.
All I ever hear is hurt.
How do you fix? I wish I knew.
Of course,
With saddened latches.
The knotches are all worn in
you pull a little tighter
and worn more again
You take it off, to throw away
and feel as if you've sinned
how do you fix
a favored belt
When nothing but cracks remain
of all that love it felt?
I don't know. It saddens me. It saddens me. I wish I could know more to fix it. I wish I knew the right words and the right actions to heal the hurt I see in the both of them. And it makes me feel so helpless, so juvenile to see a problem and not understand a proper solution. It seems that reconciliation is difficult if not impossible.
Our brains are constantly shifting. They constantly change, parameters, and cells and growth. Everytime we have an experience, everyday that we are experience, the shape, the structure of our brain and neural networks change. You'd think that you could reshape two people with the proper experiences. But I don't know.
I can stand at a precipice. And understand that it's a precipice. And helpless I'll continue to feel.
I'm thousands of miles away from my favorite person. How long will it be before he gives up?
Every seven years, every cell in our body is replaced. Every seven years, we are effectively a different being. 7 years is the estimated length for relationships to take their course. Maybe because who we are when we meet no longer exists. I don't know.
It feels sad. I think we all crave community, home, acceptance, love, appreciation. More importantly, we want to feel useful. It seems in growing globalization, that, community is hard to come by. That finding someone to roll with the punches with you, some difficult labyrinth of self discovery, self reflection, selfish desire, and desire to throw the body on a bed of altruism. Where's the line? When do you throw up your hands?
7 years of a beautiful marriage. Then suddenly, something in her mind isn't working right. She can't see the world straight. She's committed, she's been drugged. What does he do? What do you do when it appears that the wonderful human being you loved, suddenly can't tie her shoes? After 5 years, it turned out that medication was to blame. She ceased taking it, and was restored to the person she had been. He stayed around to sleep with her. And slept with others. Had bough a separate house to live in, was taking the steps to separate. They tried reconciling for three years, they had a kid.
All I ever hear is hurt.
How do you fix? I wish I knew.
Of course,
With saddened latches.
The knotches are all worn in
you pull a little tighter
and worn more again
You take it off, to throw away
and feel as if you've sinned
how do you fix
a favored belt
When nothing but cracks remain
of all that love it felt?
I don't know. It saddens me. It saddens me. I wish I could know more to fix it. I wish I knew the right words and the right actions to heal the hurt I see in the both of them. And it makes me feel so helpless, so juvenile to see a problem and not understand a proper solution. It seems that reconciliation is difficult if not impossible.
Our brains are constantly shifting. They constantly change, parameters, and cells and growth. Everytime we have an experience, everyday that we are experience, the shape, the structure of our brain and neural networks change. You'd think that you could reshape two people with the proper experiences. But I don't know.
I can stand at a precipice. And understand that it's a precipice. And helpless I'll continue to feel.
I'm thousands of miles away from my favorite person. How long will it be before he gives up?
Current Mood:
amused
It's been an interesting two days.
Yesterday I went to the Grand Platz in the middle of Brussels. Apparently they have amazing light shows there and during the summer they carpet the square with a design in flowers. I thought that was exciting. It was really night and day to see the malls and shops here compared to overseas. Maybe it's just Georgia. I don't know. But it was overflowing with people. I was really surprised to see how healthy, optimistic and well dressed everyone was. There's this overwhelming feeling of desperation in Ga. My little cousin ran into another child her age and they were running all over the court together. We ended up talking to the parents, who are from Germany. She spoke german english and french I believe.
We ate Belgium waffles and had a look at the little peeing boy.
On our way back to the car I stopped in a little book shop. The shop was dedicated to nothing but books about art. It feels like art is a way more serious matter over here.
The way the stores were set up was interesting as well. They opened onto roads, but tiny roads. There weren't any cars there.
Also involved. French speaking, line dancers. Wearing button downs with nohing but american ts.
Yesterday I went to the Grand Platz in the middle of Brussels. Apparently they have amazing light shows there and during the summer they carpet the square with a design in flowers. I thought that was exciting. It was really night and day to see the malls and shops here compared to overseas. Maybe it's just Georgia. I don't know. But it was overflowing with people. I was really surprised to see how healthy, optimistic and well dressed everyone was. There's this overwhelming feeling of desperation in Ga. My little cousin ran into another child her age and they were running all over the court together. We ended up talking to the parents, who are from Germany. She spoke german english and french I believe.
We ate Belgium waffles and had a look at the little peeing boy.
On our way back to the car I stopped in a little book shop. The shop was dedicated to nothing but books about art. It feels like art is a way more serious matter over here.
The way the stores were set up was interesting as well. They opened onto roads, but tiny roads. There weren't any cars there.
Also involved. French speaking, line dancers. Wearing button downs with nohing but american ts.
exhausted
It feels incredibly surreal. And I'm full of mixed emotions.
I left for Brussels yesterday. And amazingly, here I am.
I left crying for the one I'd left behind.
Through security. Onto a plane, where my carry-on could not be actually carried on. Up to Philadelphia, searching for change and a payphone to call the one I left behind. Ziti and chocolate covered pretzels. French accents. Three seated planes, 6 hour flight. A college counselor with a Ph.D in psychology from Harvard next to me. I found out that pink and blue are ungendered in Belgium. I mosied through customs. And realized that it would have been great to already be speaking french, find a pay phone to call for my ride, and make my way through brussels for the very first time.
We stopped for bread, eggs, and for them some root beer. Found out that I might be able to get a job immediately.
Did I mention the waffle dispenser in the airport?
I left for Brussels yesterday. And amazingly, here I am.
I left crying for the one I'd left behind.
Through security. Onto a plane, where my carry-on could not be actually carried on. Up to Philadelphia, searching for change and a payphone to call the one I left behind. Ziti and chocolate covered pretzels. French accents. Three seated planes, 6 hour flight. A college counselor with a Ph.D in psychology from Harvard next to me. I found out that pink and blue are ungendered in Belgium. I mosied through customs. And realized that it would have been great to already be speaking french, find a pay phone to call for my ride, and make my way through brussels for the very first time.
We stopped for bread, eggs, and for them some root beer. Found out that I might be able to get a job immediately.
Did I mention the waffle dispenser in the airport?
Youtube Time Travelling
Posted on 2008.11.16 at 07:37Current Location: Parent's House
Current Mood:
amused
Current Music: Sadly none and shall be rectified.
This is an interactive Time Travelling story. It's definitely in the cheezy category, but it makes me smile. Your job is to make sure Matt Rob and I forget the third guy, get to their meeting on time. Using garbage cans as time travelling instruments. Have fun!
If I was creation.
Posted on 2008.11.08 at 01:22Current Location: Adams Bedroom
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: I don't believe in limitations.
Aha! I see you. I know you're looking. You can't hide from me.
Atleast, that's what I'd say if I was God.
Or am I god and I am really saying that? YOU DON"T KNOW DO YOU?
Btw. I had a really crappy day. Came to a happy ending. The world is one giant pinpoint of existance, neither expanding nor contracting when it's only comparison is infinity.
I love Adam.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Atleast, that's what I'd say if I was God.
Or am I god and I am really saying that? YOU DON"T KNOW DO YOU?
Btw. I had a really crappy day. Came to a happy ending. The world is one giant pinpoint of existance, neither expanding nor contracting when it's only comparison is infinity.
I love Adam.
And that's all I have to say about that.
I'm slightly upset. I've been accused, in a round-a-bout way of not being passionate, compassionate, or empathetic.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.p
Npr has a series that asks people to write essays about what they believe in. I think this was the most moving one I read. I hope you enjoy it too.
contemplativealeenaherrick.wordpress.com
I've been uncharacteristically speechless. There's an antsiness that I can't quite shake. An impatience I can't seem to fend off.
Finding.
Tapping my foot. Slowly in pararythemic beats. Stopping in slow shorts.
And flowing from memories. Ravines of spoiled ambrosia.
Come.
Pine. Pine pine. Pining some more.
More pine.
...pine...
I think I heard a noise.
It's. Oh.
Just pining.
Just so you know how serious I am about this. I haven't gone this long without physical affection in years. This is the longest in a LOOOOOOng time.
i r miss Beloved.
More pine.
...pine...
I think I heard a noise.
It's. Oh.
Just pining.
Just so you know how serious I am about this. I haven't gone this long without physical affection in years. This is the longest in a LOOOOOOng time.
i r miss Beloved.
ajc08: hey :)
katsielyonz: O hilo.
ajc08: hows it going?
katsielyonz: I'm not sure. Rubber bands, some gorilla glue and luck I think.
katsielyonz: You?
ajc08: haha bit bored and sleepy
ajc08: and now confused
katsielyonz: Oh why's that?
ajc08: what youre doing with rubber bands and glue?
katsielyonz: Going.
katsielyonz: That's what you asked right?
katsielyonz: The inner workings of the going on's?
ajc08: i meant how was your day going?
ajc08: where are rubber bands going?
katsielyonz: Was going implies that it's not going the same direction it was before.
katsielyonz: And I don't think my day had any particular direction to be going in.
katsielyonz: So I'll assume that you're asking me what the particulars of my day was.
katsielyonz: is and will be.
ajc08: hmmm. are you this difficult with every question?
katsielyonz: This is what we call humor.
katsielyonz: You should smile.
ajc08: right
ajc08: its a good job you're pretty :P
katsielyonz: O hilo.
ajc08: hows it going?
katsielyonz: I'm not sure. Rubber bands, some gorilla glue and luck I think.
katsielyonz: You?
ajc08: haha bit bored and sleepy
ajc08: and now confused
katsielyonz: Oh why's that?
ajc08: what youre doing with rubber bands and glue?
katsielyonz: Going.
katsielyonz: That's what you asked right?
katsielyonz: The inner workings of the going on's?
ajc08: i meant how was your day going?
ajc08: where are rubber bands going?
katsielyonz: Was going implies that it's not going the same direction it was before.
katsielyonz: And I don't think my day had any particular direction to be going in.
katsielyonz: So I'll assume that you're asking me what the particulars of my day was.
katsielyonz: is and will be.
ajc08: hmmm. are you this difficult with every question?
katsielyonz: This is what we call humor.
katsielyonz: You should smile.
ajc08: right
ajc08: its a good job you're pretty :P
( Read more... )
ZOMG I CONCEDED A POINT TO SOMEONE... End of the world indeed...
Posted on 2008.07.28 at 20:48Current Mood:
happy
me: HI
:D
fred: hey there
how are you?
me: YOU ARE PEOPLE AGREE WITH ME OR ELSE
OR ELSE :::Shakes her fist:::
fred: ???
what the F*?
me: LOL
:3
It iz how u say hi?
fred: :P
me: There you go.
With that whole sticking out the tongue thing.
fred: right. So, why this "agree with me or else" thing?
me: Just being weird.
It happens.
fred: oh. OK...well, don't complain about my tongue sticking out then...
had fun yesterday with the gamers?
me: Def.
My campaign is coming together.
I'm really excited.
fred: :)
me: We're talking Zombies.
They're all stuck on an island that's infested with zombies.
Hehe
fred: going to be bloody...
me: Indeed.
But I'm combining fantasy with future.
And I'm really excited.
fred: good. Sounds like you should have fun
me: Got into a theological debate about free will.
Decided that the very act of having free will goes against god.
fred: ah. Tell me about that. That sounds interesting
( Read more... )
Current Mood:
happy
I'm in a good mood this evening!
Work is going so well! I love what I do. I've been working on these dang blasted tags for forever and we finally got them set up! I'm so excited! It's awesome! And I saw my first ad printed! I can officially say my work has been published and distributed to millions of households. It's so awesome!
Plus my boss totally adores me.
I miss My Beloved. But that's to be expected. He'll be home soon. And I'll give him lotsa lovin's when he comes back. He's so sweet! He calls me every night he can. It makes me so happy to hear from him.
And. I'm slowly getting my debt paid off. I don't have to worry about car insurance any more (well once I can figure out how to get it off my policy >.<, I'll call them nice folk tomorrow). I have no debt to Roland and I'm not overdue on my student loans and in general just catching up with my monies. This makes me a happy Katsie.
LOVE TO EVERYONE
Peace.
Work is going so well! I love what I do. I've been working on these dang blasted tags for forever and we finally got them set up! I'm so excited! It's awesome! And I saw my first ad printed! I can officially say my work has been published and distributed to millions of households. It's so awesome!
Plus my boss totally adores me.
I miss My Beloved. But that's to be expected. He'll be home soon. And I'll give him lotsa lovin's when he comes back. He's so sweet! He calls me every night he can. It makes me so happy to hear from him.
And. I'm slowly getting my debt paid off. I don't have to worry about car insurance any more (well once I can figure out how to get it off my policy >.<, I'll call them nice folk tomorrow). I have no debt to Roland and I'm not overdue on my student loans and in general just catching up with my monies. This makes me a happy Katsie.
LOVE TO EVERYONE
Peace.
stressedSo it finally happened. I finally had one of THOSE days. Those days that makes you want to tear your hair out and split your teeth.
Yah so my computer crashed. The only computer in the whole fucking company that had the Adobe software I need to produce Ads for Furniture Alliance. Also. In a company that runs six stores plus a corporate office there are no IT guys. None. Whatsoever. So I'm fucking stuck in the world that is UBUNTU trying to get the files I need to keep working. I really need those goddamn files. Hours and hours and fucking hours of work.
It started when my computer froze because I was opening Explorer. Ctrl-Alt-Del was not responding so I shut the computer off. The computer will now turn on but it goes into this infinite loop of rebooting. I finally booted it from a cd of UBUNTU but I can't acces my storage hard drive. Apparently it doesn't exist. I do not know enough about computers to know even where to begin. And I'm losing my mind.
So I'm downloading the Ultimate Boot CD in the hopes that I may garner some insight. And if that doesn't work I'm going to transfer the hard drive to another computer and hope that I can get the files I need that way. I just don't know what to do or what else to do.
My boss the entire time is going 'I was right. In the future you should know I'm right.' I. I want to cry.
If there are stars
we can see right?
Like
Across the mountains
oceans
and anything else
that could beinbetweenyouandi
Like
Phantom knights
that take their swords out to clean
in moonlight glean
the blood off in taste
Like
Forest ancients that slumber
And roll again in lightning
thunder
aged beyond the end of time
and starting
Like
The fires that swallow the grounds up whole
and don't know how to replace
the blackened chars
so seeds are set down
and sleep
Like
The waiting that hangs in bait
you grab you pull
There is nothing but a date
a number
like
like
like
long ago i met you
and waking up in underground caverns
I hear your footsteps pressing
your voice is through the door
And before the door knob turns
You walk away
promising to return
I didn't know how cold it was in here
until I felt your presence
And when teh shining light is gone
the stalagtites show their teeth
where once they had only be shadows
dim
grim
but hidden. And when you walk away every second will be spent fighting them off.
I don't think I know anyone who isn't happy when their bills are caught up. It's nice to feel like you have your finances under control.
I'm still playing catch up from the year of 21. I have debt and a job that is going to pay said debt. I'm glad I was able to minimize the amount of loans I owe back to my college. It's only going to cost me 3,500 to pay for my Psychology Degree. And I'm so happy. Kharma owes several thousand. I know plenty of people who are in debt up to their eyeballs and I can see the stress it causes them. For that reason I'm glad I didn't jump the gun on art school.
It seems though that I may have opportunity yet to go. And this I'm excited about. My job will eventually be at home. There won't be any reason for me to go to the corporate office, except to meet with my boss every now and then. He's already brought it up to me that I may eventually be able to stay at home all the time. Because 99% of what I do is on my computer and in my control, going to the office is out of tradition. At the moment it's to learn, but once the reins are handed to me completely there won't be any reason to continue to head to the office. Which increases my flexibility greatly. I could pick up a second job for extra money or just to pay for school.
This is exciting to me.
Recently in my office I designed furniture tags. I was so excited. I loved doing it, and I love the way my tags look. I think they are the awesome. And the partners liked them too. I think Dan and John have a lot of respect for me and what I do. John B (my boss) is having me pump out so many ads and concepts and designs for just about anything on his mind. He loves that he can tell me to create xy&z and then in a day or two he has what he wants. He's been struggling to balance both store management (there are six stores) and marketing. Eventually he'll have me work in a store for a few days to get a feel for other components of the business. But overall it's such a thrilling learning experience. I'm glad to be there.
Things are calming down sooo much. I'm really thankful. I've been able to turn more focus on personal pursuits such as writing and drawing.
About two months ago a friend of mine really pushed me hard. He got angry with the way I was behaving and really let me have it. That's when I started looking for a job. When I stopped running and realized I needed to take care of me without giving up my soul. I wish I had had more grace with Roland, I did things backwards again, and messed up horribly.
I hope in the future I can achieve grace.
And I eagerly await My Beloved's return.
I'm still playing catch up from the year of 21. I have debt and a job that is going to pay said debt. I'm glad I was able to minimize the amount of loans I owe back to my college. It's only going to cost me 3,500 to pay for my Psychology Degree. And I'm so happy. Kharma owes several thousand. I know plenty of people who are in debt up to their eyeballs and I can see the stress it causes them. For that reason I'm glad I didn't jump the gun on art school.
It seems though that I may have opportunity yet to go. And this I'm excited about. My job will eventually be at home. There won't be any reason for me to go to the corporate office, except to meet with my boss every now and then. He's already brought it up to me that I may eventually be able to stay at home all the time. Because 99% of what I do is on my computer and in my control, going to the office is out of tradition. At the moment it's to learn, but once the reins are handed to me completely there won't be any reason to continue to head to the office. Which increases my flexibility greatly. I could pick up a second job for extra money or just to pay for school.
This is exciting to me.
Recently in my office I designed furniture tags. I was so excited. I loved doing it, and I love the way my tags look. I think they are the awesome. And the partners liked them too. I think Dan and John have a lot of respect for me and what I do. John B (my boss) is having me pump out so many ads and concepts and designs for just about anything on his mind. He loves that he can tell me to create xy&z and then in a day or two he has what he wants. He's been struggling to balance both store management (there are six stores) and marketing. Eventually he'll have me work in a store for a few days to get a feel for other components of the business. But overall it's such a thrilling learning experience. I'm glad to be there.
Things are calming down sooo much. I'm really thankful. I've been able to turn more focus on personal pursuits such as writing and drawing.
About two months ago a friend of mine really pushed me hard. He got angry with the way I was behaving and really let me have it. That's when I started looking for a job. When I stopped running and realized I needed to take care of me without giving up my soul. I wish I had had more grace with Roland, I did things backwards again, and messed up horribly.
I hope in the future I can achieve grace.
And I eagerly await My Beloved's return.